Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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