if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
