Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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