you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
