I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
