no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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