Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
