okay pat passed out under dana's car
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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