Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
