You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
