Will you blow on my dice?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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