Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
