I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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