bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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