walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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