The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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