My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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