i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
