Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
