we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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