I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
