like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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