That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I would fuck him just for his dog
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