"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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