I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
