i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
