Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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