I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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