Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Randomize
