idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
