I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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