Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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