oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
