I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
