I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You have to summon your inner elephant
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
