He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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