The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
