I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
