you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
