we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Randomize
