I would go down on you faster than GM stock
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
