You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
