i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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