dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
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I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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