i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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