my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
