i just wanna soil my oats bro
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
