Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You ruined the universe
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize