and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
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I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
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I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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