this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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