I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
