sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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