She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
