I could make wine with my vomit
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I touched a dick in church today
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
