so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
