He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
