I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
