can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
