He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
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She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
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in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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