Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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