It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
