A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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