with your own penis?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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