i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
