Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
