somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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