i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
birth control should be required to get into college
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
