And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
