I cockslap morals
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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