I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
