Already got asked if we're dating
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
