Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
