I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Couch. On fire.
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