I love black thongs
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
