It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize