do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
